musician.educator.musicologist

on How My Brain Keeps Me Down

Added on by Taylor Smith.

In general, I have a lot of things on my mind. This is kind of typical for me, for better or worse. I feel like I think about everything, all of the time.1 Sometimes I start to feel claustrophobic inside my head; I can’t find much escape from all of this “everything,” even when I am doing stuff that’s supposed to bring me some quietude. Instead, those quiet times often make “everything” harder to ignore.

I have figured out some ways to deal with this and am mostly able to function more-or-less like everyone else. As far as I know, this might be normal, what I am describing is how everyone is. I asked my wife about this, and she says she is like this—to a point—as well, so I suppose this might be somewhat normal. But, as we were talking, I think she was interpreting this as a difficulty staying “in focus” while doing a task, which is a major part of what I experience, but there is more to it as well. There is a certain amount of my experience that is dominated by unwelcome, persistent thoughts about things from the past and thoughts about other people’s thoughts that I can’t seem to shake.

Past Regrets?

One of the foremost things that intrudes into my head is thoughts about past conversations and interactions. I am almost constantly analyzing previous conversations. I can remember, almost word for word, several semi-contentious conversations, and I think about them over and over and over. Sometimes I think, “I should have said x!” or, “I can’t believe s/he said y!” And I re-litigate the conversation almost daily. Ditto for nearly every other conversation that left me less than satisfied.

Are these regrets of mine? Do I regret something about the conversation? Probably. There are certain ones that come up in my head over and over. I could be riding my bike or playing a gig or surfing, all things completely divorced from said conversation, and in slips my thoughts about what was/wasn’t said, about what that means, about how I am now (or was then) perceived. It’s tiring and it tends to ruin lots of things.

Rent-Free Residents

Right now, and for the last long time, there are a couple of people who seem to be “living rent free inside my head.” In each case, these are people I know, some of them are even “friends,” whom I can’t get out of my head. Right now I am thinking about two guys I know. The way they’ve treated me/talked to me in the semi-recent past (repeatedly) bothers me everyday. I don’t talk to them often, yet my brain brings them into my consciousness several times a day. I can’t help but think “What do they think of me?” “Why did I/they say that thing two years ago?” “How can they have just said that and moved on?” “I wonder if I said x if that would have smoothed things over better?” “But, that thing they said was so pompous and presumptuous!” And on and on.

These guys, ’cause of course they are guys, live in my head, taking up space. I don’t want them there. I want to not care. But the fact is, I do and I think about them all the time. I actually wouldn’t mind just being rid of the blowhards, know-it-alls, holier-than-thous, and other energy sucks, but, again, my head keeps them around seemingly no matter how hard I try.

“Who cares what other people think?”

I know that lots of people are probably saying something like, “Who cares what these other people think? Just live your life.” And I wish I could. I want to be able to do just that, but right now, my brain says over and over, “What about … ?”

To be blunt, I can’t even really fathom how anyone can truly “not care” what other people are thinking. Some of that feels extremely selfish … to not care what is going through other people’s heads seems to suggest that you don’t care anything about other people, their thoughts, their feelings … yet it is also extremely selfish of me to think about me and how they feel about me all the time.

So?

I am not exactly sure where all of this is going. This is the first time in a long time that I am feeling enough clarity to write anything of length. I used to enjoy writing, but I find it hard to find time, energy, and—most of all—the mental acuity to be coherent in a long-form format. It is kind of mind-boggling to me that I once wrote a 300+ page PhD dissertation. I can’t hardly squeak out a few hundred words anymore, even on a good day. Everything is so damn crowded in my head. Everything. All of the time.


  1. Here, I’m alive! ↩︎

on a Challenge From My Daughter (and Her Friends)

Added on by Taylor Smith.

My wife and I were trying to explain some rules around why our daughter (16) can’t take her cellphone into the bathroom with her. To be blunt, one of the reasons is I am not sure she wouldn’t take/send inappropriate pictures. I don’t think she would do this *on purpose*, but she is really gullible and pretty naïve, and I could see a situation wherein she would do something stupid without totally realizing what she as doing.

Anyway, I tried to tell her this, to explain that she is kind of naïve about these things, and that she just doesn’t understand the vagueries around what is and isn’t appropriate/provocative/etc. My wife mentioned a specific photograph she shared on Instagram that, to us, was clearly provocative. To our daughter—because she just doesn’t “get” some of this stuff, yet—it was just a “cute” picture. She told us that all of her friends also said it was not a big deal, that it was “just a cute photo.”

Then, she added this: “And, not all of my friends are that naïve, Dad! Some of them are probably more sexually active than you and mom!” I looked over at my wife and said, “Challenge accepted!

on 2021

Added on by Taylor Smith.

I kind of want to do some sort of “wrap up” of the last year. It was definitely … something. But, the feeling that I must write something that will incapsulate everything is exactly the sort of thing that would keep me from writing anything at all. To misquote Inigo Montoya, “Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. [There is also too much.]” There is so, so much. Everything all of the time. I am overwhelmed.

But, also, everything feels the same. Nothing is different. Everything just keeps going, all of it headed—seemingly—nowhere. I had to read Camus’s La Peste (The Plague) in college, and it turns out he wasn’t all that far off on how pointless anything and everything ends up feeling after a while.

Meanwhile, we’re all bickering and at each other’s throats. The existence of a life-threatening virus. Vaccines. Masks. Election results. Historical events. The shape of the earth. Basic facts are up for debate, and it seems all opinions are being treated as equally plausible. It’s exhausting and I am a little surprised so many of us are still participating in this “dialogue” (notice that I said “us,” meaning I include myself in this criticism).

A Few Things I’ve Learned

All of this being said, there are a few “lessons” I’ve learned this year.

Some People Are Worse Than I Ever Knew Or Thought

I was appalled to see so many people vote for Donald Trump. As most people know, you don’t actually have to “win” the election—in the sense of the words that “win the election” which most of the rest of the world would generally accept—in order to be the President. Donald Trump wasn’t the first President to get the gig this way. Still, the fact that he was even “in the running” was absolutely terrifying, hilarious, and mind-boggling all at once. Then, to know that I personally know so many people who voted for him made to kind of shocked and confused. Still, I think there is some truth to people voting for the person most likely to “move the country” in a direction they like, rather than actually voting for any individual. Basically, “their personal life doesn’t matter; I am voting for [insert pet cause].”1 Personally, I think integrity matters, at least some.2

I, as a lot of people, had hoped that somehow actually being President would change the way Donald Trump acted. We thought he would be “presidential” once all of the campaigning, etc. was over. But, I think we were, mostly, wrong. That’s not a huge surprise, I suppose. But, what I didn’t anticipate, was how having such a crass individual residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave would change people I know. Or, rather, how it would bring what might have been the “real them” lurking somewhere behind a façade, so confidently to the surface.

Since November of 2016, I have observed with a mixture of shock and heartbreak as I have watched people who I once looked up to, people who were mentors and advisors to me as a teenager, people who I thought were good, kind, charitable people turn into absolute monsters. I was raised in a relatively conservative religious environment, which naturally skews pretty reliably “to the right,” politically. I was sad, but not totally shocked, that so many of these people voted for Donald Trump. But, I had thought they did so out of allegiance to some sort of “greater good,” be that a hope for anti-abortion legislation, an aversion to social programs, or other “right leaning” issues. Maybe some did. What I didn’t expect was for these same people, people whom I admired as a kid, to turn into terrible, horrible people once Trump was in office. These folks were suddenly comfortable spouting all sorts of vitriol toward minorities, “the Dems,” Muslims, and whoever else DJT decided was the enemy du jour. These are people I would never have pictured using profanity or using racial/sexual slurs … and yet, I have seen several of them do exactly this on Facebook over the last few years. For some reason, it took me until this year to really come full circle in realizing this. I think the fact that Trump is no longer President and these folks are continuing to act this way might have something to do with me finally making this connection.

So, what I am now wondering is if this is who these folks really are (and always were), or if some sort of transformation has happened. Were these people just waiting for someone like Donald Trump to give them permission to act like assholes? I think there is something about a person in power “setting an example” that might have been the thing that gave these people the permission they needed to act this way. Were these ideas, words, and beliefs always just below the surface waiting for someone to make it “ok” to say, think, or believe them out in the open? Something tells me they were. Or, have these people been sucked into Donald Trump’s cult of personality, and they are, quite literally, not themselves anymore due to his magnetism? Honestly, I am not sure which explanation is better.

Give Us Convenience Or Give Us Death

Another thing I’ve learned along these same lines is just how many people will absolutely insist on notdoing slightly inconvenient things in order to help stave off a literal plague. I can wrap my head around why someone might be against “forced vaccination,” but what’s the big deal about wearing a mask for a few minutes or even hours while you go grocery shopping or fly across a continent?

I have always been a bit of a pessimist, a little bit cynical, a little bit suspicious. The last year has made me more so. Partly in an effort to try to combat this, and partly because I found Utopia For Realists to be very well written, I’ve been reading Rutger Bregman’s Humankind. The central premise of Humankind is that our species is a fundamentally kind one, one that cooperates and generally “gets along.”3 This, in contrast to the way we tend to see ourselves—a species that is fundamentally selfish and in a constant struggle against each other. Bregman uses lots of anthropological data to back this claim. I admire Rutger Bregman quite a bit, and I don’t doubt his research; but, the past year(s) has made it really difficult for me to see people as kind or cooperative when so many aren’t willing to mildly inconvenience themselves for any kind of greater good.4

I Need To Practice A Lot More

This year, I learned that I need to practice everything a lot more. I took classical bass lessons for a few months in the first half of 2021, and I was reminded of how lacking my bass playing is. I need to practice a lot more. I took another French class during the Spring 2021 semester. And, while it went relatively well, I need to practice speaking, reading, and writing in French quite a bit more. I did ok when we were in France this summer, but I would rather be better than just ok.5 I need to practice my sense of calm a lotmore.6 I need to practice being simple rather than complex. I need to practice giving people room to be wrong about things without me feeling the need to “correct” them.

Some Questions

When I sat down to write, I had a few ideas of what I wanted to say, but now that I’ve started, I am thinking of many more. I don’t want to make this particular post drag on, so it seems best to reserve space for future writings about all of that stuff.

But, one thing I am still trying to sort out is how to ask certain questions. I’d like to think that working in a college means I work in a place where I could go to ask tough, thought-provoking questions, but you’d be wrong. In fact, some of my colleagues are the last people I would go to with difficult questions. Far from it being a “safe space,” I am finding academia to be pretty unwelcoming of certain lines of inquiry. This is really frustrating because feeling this way puts me into company with many folks I’d generally like to avoid having by my side (for fear of being confused as sharing their beliefs, among other things). In fact, I am a little scared of the next few semesters. I feel like it’s only a matter of time before things get really gross and/or I walk away … but toward what?

2022

I know new year’s resolutions are kind of silly. I know we’re all setting ourselves up for disappointment and/or failure by setting big goals at an arbitrary time. Still, I like the idea of sitting down and thinking about what and where we want to be and what and where we don’t couples with some reflection on howwe might get there. Every failed goal is still movement toward something, which isn’t so terrible. 

I haven’t put a ton of thought into what my goals/resolutions might be for this year, yet. But, here are a few:

  1. No more soda. Or, more specifically, no more sweetened sodas (“diet” sodas included). I am one of those weird people that prefers sparkling water when it’s available; I am not counting that as “soda.”

  2. Some sort of exercise most days. What counts as exercise will be a pretty low bar: any sort of movement that lasts more than ten minutes will work.

  3. More practicing. As a musician, this is supposed to be part of my lifestyle, but it hasn’t been for a long time.

  4. More writing. I want to write something most days, even just a few sentences.

Of course, it’s likely none of this will mean anything in a few months.


  1. This gets harder to believe when the same people will rail against certain individuals’ personal lives. Clinton’s and Kennedy’s philandering or Quayle’s spelling skills come to mind. ↩︎

  2. I say “some,” because all of us have lapses in our integrity and none of us are probably really “worthy” for any sort of Integrity Olympics. ↩︎

  3. Bregman actually uses the description “Homo puppy” to describe our species. ↩︎

  4. And/or, will accuse those that are honestly trying to do something that might be helpful of being “ignorant sheep” or claim it’s all “virtue signaling.” ↩︎

  5. My study/practice of Dutch took a bit of a backseat once I got “into the thick of things” with my French class. ↩︎

  6. A lot more. ↩︎

Fall 2021 Rock, Pop, and Soul Ensemble Concert

Added on by Taylor Smith.

I direct the Rock, Pop, and Soul Ensemble at Cuyamaca College. It’s probably my favorite class ever. We had our Fall 2021 concert last week. This was our first concert since 2019. It was nice to be able to play and sing in person. I don’t think many people realize how awful the whole music-ensembles-online thing is.

Anyway, here’s a video of the show. There are some sketchy moments, spots where I wonder what the students were up to, but there are also lots of moments that are great. Enjoy!

on What I Keep Thinking About

Added on by Taylor Smith.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, recently. Actually, I am pretty always thinking about everything all of the time.1 But, recently, I’ve been wondering where, how, and when all of this will end. Where is the point at which this all breaks?

COVID at My House

Twelve days ago, my daughter (16) tested positive for COVID. She started feeling sick on Saturday; we took her in to get tested on Sunday. The (positive) results came back by the late-morning on Monday. This was a surprise as all of us are fully vaccinated.2 Once she tested positive, the rest of us quickly got tested to see if we, too, were infected. Luckily, all of our tests came back negative. But, within a day or two, my wife started feeling sick, and decided to get tested again … positive this time.3 So, my wife moved into my daughter’s bedroom on Thursday of last week, and the two have been in there ever since. My daughter’s quarantine period ended yesterday. My wife is still locked away until Sunday.4

Shortly after finding out about my wife’s diagnosis, I went on to Facebook and threw a bit of a fit. I said something about how I felt this was entirely the refuse-to-be-vaccinated people’s fault, that I didn’t care about their reasons for being so insistent upon not getting vaccinated. Again, I don’t entirely regret what I said, though I could have been more artful in the way I framed it.5 A few people tried to call me out for casting such a wide aspersion, and some were right, but I was tired and frustrated and I feel like we’re all allowed to be pissed off and extra-salty from time to time.

What options do we have?

Also, I am not sure I was completely out of line, honestly. My delivery was certainly less than ideal, but the kernels behind what I was getting at are real.

Firstly, it’s important that we all understand how vaccines work, how all vaccines work. Vaccines don’t make it impossible to catch any given illness, but they do reduce the chances … usually by quite a lot. Even more importantly, vaccines are designed to be a communal solution; they are most effective when everyone has been inoculated against said illness. This is why it is recommended (even required) to be re-vaccinated against some diseases when you visit certain developing countries; in that part of the world, most people aren’t vaccinated against the disease, so your likelihood of contracting it—despite your vaccination—goes up quite a bit. So, for every unvaccinated person walking around amongst us, my inoculation against COVID-19 becomes less effective. This doesn’t mean the vaccine doesn’t work. This is how all vaccines work!

Secondly, there’s the “individual.” The more I have thought about this, the more I am convinced that the idea of an “individual” is a myth. I have a few reasons for this belief, but it mostly stems from the fact that none of us live isolated from those around us. Our actions affect others. Full stop.6 Thus, any discussion about “individual rights” might be shakier than we tend to think.

Thirdly, what are we supposed to do when a path forward is presented and a sizable enough chunk of the population refuses to follow it? According to most of the commentary I have seen, it crosses lines to require folks to get vaccinated through legislation and we can’t require it through commerce (some sort of vaccine “passport,” without which one couldn’t participate in much of society). I saw a video of Rand Paul (someone whose opinion I generally don’t care to hear, but for the sake of argument, I’ll tack it on, here) telling us all to try “persuasion” instead of “coercion,” but what are we left with after that fails (and we can’t “force” the issue, for a variety of reasons [see above])? All we are really left with, it seems, is public mockery and shaming of those that are obstinate in their refusal to be responsible. In fact, this is precisely what my Libertarian/anarcho-capitalist “friends” say is the answer to virtually every societal ills—through social pressure we can make life unbearably inconvenient for scofflaws … this will work more effectively than legislation, they say. But, when I do just this, try to publicly shame the anti-vaccine crowd, I am called to repentance for not showing empathy.

Fourthly, yes, we should all have more empathy. But, insisting that the rest of the world continue to wait for you to come around, is asking quite a lot. You can’t get all that upset when we all decide we’ve lost our patience and we’re “done” waiting. Life very much could go back to normal if enough people would get on board, yet, here we are, still struggling to keep our heads above water despite there being a perfectly good boat within sight.

A Breaking Point?

Growing up Mormon, I would hear lots of talk about a time when the US Constitution would “hang by a thread” and some Mormon guy would swoop in and save everything. I always found this folklore-doctrine to be kind of funny. I don’t think that particular scenario is likely, but, I am curious when, how, why this will all end. It all seems like everything is pretty rickety at the moment. Has this pandemic infected our brains as well?

The Greeks’ experiments with democracy only lasted about 200 years. Will the US’s “experiment” with democracy last any longer?7


  1. Here, I’m alive! ↩︎

  2. I know the vaccine is not a “guarantee” that you won’t get infected. But, I certainly didn’t think we would be one of the “breakthrough cases” we hear about. ↩︎

  3. It is likely the first round of tests we all took was too soon. The CDC recommends waiting 5–7 after exposer to get tested. But when you live with the infected party, it’s hard to know exactly who you were “exposed.” ↩︎

  4. After my wife’s positive test, my son and I tested again; still negative↩︎

  5. The fact is, I was pissed, and I simply didn’t care around who I threw a net of “blame” in the process. ↩︎

  6. This is the root of where most (all?) of my disagreements with “Libertarians,” “anarcho-capitalists,” and other much-futher-to-the-right-than-me political philosophies lies. So much of that worldview depends upon an insistence upon “individualism,” and I simply don’t think that exists. ↩︎

  7. Cue the guy who will tell us something about how the US isn’t really a democracy, but a democratic republic. ↩︎

on Slowly

Added on by Taylor Smith.

I haven’t been perfect in my efforts to stay away from traditional social media. I have made more posts than I should have, and have read many more than anyone should since I made the decision to step back a bit. I have been better, though, which is … better. 

In the last few days, I have been especially active on Facebook, which I don’t really like. Both my wife and my daughter tested positive for COVID last week. I am not happy about this at all, and I used Facebook to let the world know. I don’t totally regret doing that. Sometimes misery-outrage loves company, and traditional social media is definitely a place you can find misery-outrage.

I have found something in the social media “space” that I think is pretty great, though. Slowly. Slowly is kind of like a social network in that it is a place to meet people and exchange messages. But, it’s very different from the others in that it forces you to be patient. Instead of your friends getting your message(s) immediately, they have to wait, sometimes more than a day, to read your message. The idea is that you have to wait for each message to go “through the mail;” the farther the message has to travel “geographically,” the longer the delay in delivery.

Slowly tries to be something like a traditional pen pal, including some stamp-collecting features. Slowly will auto match you with folks all across the world or you can browse a directory and find interesting people on your own. It’s a nice concept, and the community there is friendly, patient, and almost entirely wonderful … unlike so many other places.

Have I been a perfect digital citizen? Not even close. My most-recent Facebook post was pretty nasty.1 But, something like Slowly might help me (and/or you) to be a little better. I have been using it for several months, and it’s been pretty great so far. I have “friends” in the US, India, France, Benin, Estonia, Poland, Canada, the Philippines, Russia, and the U.K, writing back and forth in both English and French.


  1. At the moment, I still don’t really care all that much. I am not in a place to feel lots of nice thoughts toward the situation my family is in at the moment (and the fact that it was largely avoidable).

on Musicology (Again)

Added on by Taylor Smith.

Me, a Musicologist

Supposedly, I am a musicologist. I have a fancy (and expensive!) degree that says I am. I took a bunch of classes and wrote a few hundred pages in order to check off the box that lets me insist upon people calling me “doctor” (which I don’t do, but I work with some people that do, and I think it’s kind of silly). In 2015 I earned a PhD in musicology. Before that, I earned an MA in music (with an emphasis in historical performance practice). Both of those things supposedly make me “an expert” in this weird field that some people think I made up (“What is ‘musicology’ anyway?”).

But, I have yet to do anything—save the degrees of course—that really qualifies me as a “musicologist.” Certainly my crappy attempts at album reviews and occasional semi-witty musical commentary ’round here shouldn’t really qualify.

To come back to the question, “What does a ‘musicologist’ do?” The answer is not incredibly straightforward. The easiest answer is to say, they study, write about, and speak about music from a cultural/historical/philosophical standpoint, though this leaves several things out (and doesn’t even really say anything anyway). But, a sizable portion of what I am “supposed to” do as “a musicologist” is to write and speak about music. Most of us make our primary incomes as college professors, and the ones who teach at fancier places than I are often required to publish in journals regularly.

I haven’t published anything. I also don’t really care that I haven’t published anything. Each time I open a new edition of the Journal of the American Musicological Society or the Journal of Musicological Research or whatever other fancy academic journal one wants to name, I am mostly kind of baffled. I see these titles and I have virtually no idea what these articles are about. Even the ones that are ostensibly more “up my alley,” like Rock Music Studies, publish stuff that I only barely recognize; sometimes I wonder if I am actually subscribed to a molecular biology journal or something … some of these titles feel that foreign.

Me, a Speaker

What bit of musicologizing I have done is speak at a handful of conferences. I generally enjoy this, which is a little strange because I am actually quite shy much of the time. In fact, speaking at one of these conferences over the summer is what restarted me questioning nearly all of my life choices up to this point … Well, save my marriage. The conference didn’t make me wonder about that one.

Essentially, I made a presentation at a high-profile conference sponsored by one of the more prominent organizations in the world of popular music education and afterward I was kind of bummed out by the whole thing. From my side, I think it went fine. But, I got some pushback from the audience. Pushback is fine, it’s to be expected at least somewhat. But, the nature of the pushback has me feeling kind of lost.

My presentation was about my popular music ensemble and how I, as a “band director,” approach it. My premise was this: we should treat the popular music ensemble the same way we treat a college orchestra or choir; we should get the group to play the “great works” written for it (just like a choir or orchestra does). I have given this presentation once before, then for a different crowd; it was very well received (I think). And, to say that this time was not well received on the whole would probably be inaccurate. But, it’s the pushback—and the social-political-musicological situation(s) behind it, most of all—that has brought to this place where I feel kind of lost and confused.

This pushback cut at the central premise of my presentation; there were questions around the idea of “great works” and around my place as the one who chooses the group’s repertoire.

The second issue doesn’t bother me quite so much. The contention was, basically, “Why not let the students pick what they play?” My response is two fold: 

What I am there for if not to “direct” the group (and thereby, choose what “directions” the group will go [i.e. what music we will play])? I am fine with taking input from the students, but that is pretty clearly not what this comment was about. He was after something different. It’s hard to explain to those outside academia, but, basically, there is this whole movement in higher ed (wrapped up inside ideas like “equity”) that says everything should be student-directed, even things like the actual curriculum. But, yeah, if the proper thing to do is just let the students do whatever the hell they want, why am I there? If their opinion is just as valid as mine, then why hire me? Why offer the class?

Isn’t part of the point of going to college the exposure to new ideas, new ways of looking at [insert topic here]? If I let my students call the shots on what we play, they would end up playing more or less the same stuff every semester. ‘Twould be a mixture of Led Zeppelin songs, Taylor Swift and/or Billie Eilish songs, and a few tunes by whatever rapper du jour happens to be “it,” then. Again, the students don’t need to go to college to do that stuff. I will grant that some of what they would choose is very valid, and we should explore some of that, but my experience shows that it’d be an endless cycle of the same-old after a few times around.

But it was this first line of questioning that had/has me feeling all sorts of confusion and general pessimism for where this is all headed. The basic premise of this person’s commentary was against the idea of there being “Great Works” at all. Or, more pointedly, is it ever appropriate to draw a line in the sand, so to speak, saying “this is great art” because, in so doing, you are excluding other works, and in doing that, you are making judgements about any given style’s/work’s/culture’s central aesthetics as being of less validity. That was kind of a mouthful. Maybe this is better: to say there are “Great Works” is to make decisions about what is and isn’t good in art, which necessarily weighs certain ideas over others. 

Perhaps explaining the flow of ideas within my presentation will help me explain what all of this is about:

  • Many colleges have now decided that they want to take the academic study of popular music seriously (yay!)

  • With this, many of these schools have added popular music ensembles into their programs

  • But, what should these groups play/sing?

  • Well, what do the other ensembles play/sing?

  • They play/sing the “Great Works” written for those ensembles.

  • Maybe pop-music ensembles should do something similar.

  • But, what would that look like?

  • A: One way to go is to play the “great” albums in popular music history.

So, the central idea I was trying to get at was a discussion of my experience with implementing this “great works”/whole albums approach in my college’s popular music ensemble, and, to a lesser degree, a “defense” of this approach.1

Being that the conference was held via Zoom, I was able to go back and listen to it—and the ensuing commentary—again. So, I watched it again to see if I was remembering things correctly. The comment that still has me both scratching my head and kind of nervous about what all of this might mean for my future in this field, pushed back against my premise pretty hard. And, again, this has more to do with the nature of the pushback, the things it signaled, than the commentary itself. 

This person questioned the premise of the world of art music as a framework through which to look at popular music.

So far, this is ok; it’s not a perfect lens. I do think it’s useful, though, especially given the context of having a popular music ensemble exist alongside an orchestra, choir, etc., competing for “validity.” 

The premise of there being a “standard repertoire” or a “canon” is not a good one; it’s something we should be shunning, not building upon. (While the words “privilege” and/or “racism” weren’t used directly, this was clearly the implication.) 

Again, it’s far from perfect, but it’s the literal foundation of hundreds of years of our musical study and understanding. Everything builds on stuff before it. It would be a mistake to assume there is nothing connecting Mozart and Kanye West. Let’s include Kanye’s music in the conversation, but not at the expense of Mozart’s.

A criticism was made that the list of albums I’ve tackled with this group wasn’t sufficiently diverse. More specifically, the commenter pointed out that there was only “X” albums by people of color.

This is valid, to a point. I go out of my way—fighting against some of my own upbringing and musical biases—to make sure to perform works by black artists, female artists, and other less-represented groups. But, I wonder what percentage of representation would be the right one; is there a point where I could arrive at the “right” percentage of music by people of color?

I keep coming back to a few central questions/problems with these comments. More importantly, these comments were exactly on track with the contemporary currents within musicology (and academia in general), and they got me thinking in all sorts of directions about where this is headed.

  1. If we can’t really call any music “good” or “great,” does that make it all equal in its artistic/cultural/historical value? Do we want that?

  2. I have spent most of my life just trying to understand a few styles of music and I am still just scratching the surface. If the only valid way to examine or talk about music is to always do so from all angles equally, how could we ever get close to any sort of expertise over any of it?

  3. I am worried about how quick we are to call everything racist. And, I hate to even say this as this aligns me (on the surface, at least) with lots of people who really are racist.

  4. I am losing interest in this entire field (musicology) as it seems this is the only thing we’re allowed to talk about right now. And, again, I think some would say this make me racist as well.

  5. I have always been a bit of a contrarian. I am sure many of my previous professors would tell you as much. But, now I am finding myself feeling like defending the “status quo” (sort of), which feels weird.

  6. An idea that came up in some follow up discussion was the idea that we should be able to alter these “great works” however we see fit. We shouldn’t look at them as “great” as is, but as infinitely alterable based upon however we feel at any moment. This seems like a strange way of thinking about art. This seems to fundamentally confuse the artist and the audience, which I think leads us to a place where art isn’t really worth admiring anymore. Is this really the world we want to create? (In other cultures this is more appropriate, but those are not the cultures where this music was made. Insisting that a different culture’s way of doing things should be applied to this music seems like the opposite of what we’re supposed to do.)

All of this is my very long way of saying I am feeling really uncomfortable inside “academia” these days. The trouble is, I’ve painted myself into a bit of a corner; there isn’t much else I can really do for a career. So, now what?

This conference came at a time when I was already feeling kind of bewildered about who I am and what I do; this interaction made all of those feelings even stronger. I want to call Brian Wilson’s music “great,” I want to call Palestrina’s music “beautiful,” but it seems like these comments might land me somewhere in the realm of “problematic.” No one wants to be problematic.


  1. No idea if this explanation made anything clearer or not. ↩︎

an Update

Added on by Taylor Smith.

It has been a long time since I have written much, here or otherwise. I used to find writing to be kind of cathartic, even stimulating, but I’ve been struggling a lot lately. The fact is, just about everything is difficult right now, and I’ve been having a hard time finding even small escapes.

But right now, I am feeling a bit of interest in writing, so I want to grab that while it’s here.

A lot has happened since I last posted anything ‘round here. My family spent 17 days in Europe. My kids went back to school … in person … all day … five days a week. I am teaching (almost) entirely in person again. I bought a cool new (custom!) surfboard. I spoke at a high-profile music conference1. Probably more that I’ll think of after I publish this.

on Approaching 40

I’ll be forty years old in about six months. It’s always a little funny to think back on what you thought of certain ages when you were younger. Like, what did I think 40-year-olds were like when I was 15? Something tells me I probably thought they were older than I feel like I am … though I am feeling pretty old these days.

What I didn’t really anticipate about this point in my life is the restlessness and disillusionment I’ve been feeling. Some of this started shortly after finishing my PhD program back in 2015. Up until that point there was always something else to look toward, a “next move” in my life, career, etc. But, once my dissertation was officially accepted and I had my doctoral degree in my hands, that was the end of the road, so to speak. By that point, I had already been working as a tenured Associate Professor for a few years, which left me with very few “next step” options. 

I don’t at all think I need to be constantly “progressing.” In fact, I have a lot of bones to pick with the worldview that says we should be continually growing economically, and I think this mindset seeps into our heads too much, making us think that we’re supposed to do that too.2 But, I am feeling certain unfamiliar pangs as I navigate this plateau. We have all heard about the “midlife crisis,” but I don’t think that’s what this is. This is something more like suddenly being without a map … never mind the fact that I am probably too young to be having the proverbial “midlife crisis.” I suppose this might be what many people feel shortly after graduating from high school or college, when the world presents them with hundreds of options as to what to do. Maybe it’s simply taken me until 39 to “grow up” and experience “real life” in this way. 

Anyway, this feeling of “now what?” has been in the back of my mind since 2016, and it keeps poking its head into my more conscious mind. Right now, this feeling is extra present. There are a few things that have been festering which I think are part of its resurgence.3

So, here I am, 39.5 years old, and I have virtually no idea what to do when I grow up.


  1. And I had a bit of a “bummer” experience. More, soon (I hope). ↩︎

  2. Never mind that this is impossible. ↩︎

  3. More on this, later. ↩︎

on a Podcast Interview

Added on by Taylor Smith.

Last month a shared a snippet from an interview I did with one of my students. The interview was for a podcast my class produces. Due to some technical difficulties, we had to redo the interview, which delayed the episode.

Anyway, you can listen to the whole interview. You should subscribe to the podcast (Apple or Spotify or on the website). It’s pretty cool.

on Some Advice

Added on by Taylor Smith.

One of my students interviewed me, today. We talked about lots of stuff, including my crooked path through several different versions of "music major" when I was in college. I thought this little snippet was pretty good; every once in a while I say stuff that kind of impresses me :)

The full interview will be posted in my class's podcast feed in a week or two. Stay tuned :)

on Instagram and Musicians

Added on by Taylor Smith.

Instagram kind of baffles me. Actually, that’s not totally true. I understand the desire to share photos with people; that is a pretty easy thing to understand. What I think I don’t understand is how/why people use it for so many other things. It is a pretty terrible medium for sharing anything other than low-res photos, and yet … 

Back when it was a hipster photography service, I could wrap my head around Instagram, but what is it now, really? The “Stories” feature is especially baffling.

I teach a couple of classes on the music industry. Among many things, we often talk about marketing, branding, and general “how-to-get-people-to-support-your-band” ideas. I am not an expert in this field, but I try to steer the conversations in directions I think will be fruitful.

My students have tried to help me understand the power of Instagram, and I wonder if I am just not wired right to “get it.” For example, so, soso many bands have Instagram as their only “presence” on the internet, and this seems like a bad idea to me. 

To summarize where my conversations seem to always go when I talk about this with my students:

Instagram is where all of the people are. If you want eyeballs on your “content,” you have to put it where the eyeballs already are.

So far, I understand this completely. I still wonder why all of the eyeballs are there, but I get the idea of “go where the people are.” But, here is where I tend to get lost:

I can’t listen to your band’s album on Instagram. I can’t buy concert tickets on Instagram. I can’t really do anything super useful, save “like” photos and (short) videos you’ve posted.

This isn’t bad in and of itself. There is nothing wrong with “engaging” fans in this way, I suppose. But, what I don’t really “get” is when a band’s only online presence is Instagram. Yes, this is where the “eyeballs” are, but if they can’t listen to your album, buy concert tickets, or really do anything else of use, it seems like a waste of energy to make this be your only online “presence.” In fact, of all of the “social networking” services, it seems to me like Instagram is the worst one for musicians. The simple fact that you have to use weird hacks and add-ons to post any links seems to be evidence that it’s not really a ver good site/service for doing anything it wasn’t specifically built to do (i.e. share low-resolution photos). This is a limitation, by design, of what Instagram can do, and therefore, a limitation in how it can be very useful for musicians.

My thoughts with all of this has always been something along the lines of:

Social networking sites should be a springboard to your own website. Social networking sites should be a gateway to a place you control.

Again, I am not any kind of music-marketing guru; I (very often) feel like I shouldn’t actually be teaching this class. I am very much open to having my mind changed on this. I don’t like feeling like some sort of luddite or fogey who just “doesn’t get it.” Like those pompous blowhards say, “… change my mind.”

on Taking Only One French Class

Added on by Taylor Smith.

The Spring 2021 semester started on Monday. Late last week, I suddenly started to feel kind of overwhelmed. This, before I had actually gone “back to work” or started any classes. Thus, it became rather apparent that the whole taking-two-French-classes-this-semester thing might be such a good thing. So, I dropped one of them (and worked out a reduced schedule, of sorts, with the professor for the other one). 

Part of this is because I am also going to take classical bass lessons again this semester. The last time I had one of those was in 2004! I am half-excited and half-nervous.

on Taking More French Classes

Added on by Taylor Smith.

Two years ago, I decided to take Conversational French 1 at Grossmont College. I came to that decision because my wife and I were going to Europe for the entire month of June 2019. At one point in my life I was “fluent” in French, enough so that I had a job speaking French on the phone. But, that was quite a long time ago, and I wanted to “refresh” my French-speaking abilities before we jetted off to Paris.

Now, two years later, I have decided to take Conversational French 2 and French 4! I have discovered that I really enjoy learning foreign languages. I think the language-learning process scratches a certain area of my brain that I can’t get to otherwise. About a year ago, I decided to teach myself Dutch.1 I want to continue to chip away at learning Dutch, but I decided what I really wanted was something more structured and something that would hold me a bit more accountable … thus, I decided to dive back in to a semi-advanced French class.

My teaching schedule is pretty light next semester (I am actually using some “banked” time just to meet my 100% load obligation), which means I should have a little more time and mental energy to dedicate to something like this. A big change I am hoping to make about everything is to spend more time doing things “for me.” This is one of them (even though I know taking a college class is not super high on many people’s “for me” lists).

***

  1. I have this long shot hope of finding a job in Belgium or The Netherlands, or taking a sabbatical to live out there for six months or so. ↩︎

on Social Media

Added on by Taylor Smith.

I find people’s compulsion to make a grand exit kind of comical, so I am hoping this doesn’t come across like that. But, the short version is this: I am going to step away from traditional social media for the foreseeable future. The longer version is something of an explanation of where I am in this process, an explanation I hope doesn’t come across like this image:

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This has very little to do with Facebook’s recent move to close off Donald Trump’s access to the platform; I understand this is perfectly within Zuck, et al’s legal rights, and I support their decision to muzzle whomever they decide is causing too much trouble. Every “free market” argument I’ve ever had with dyed-in-the-wool conservatives has taught me that the “free market” should be allowed to do whatever it wants, including discriminate against anyone they want. This is a central feature to “free market capitalism,” not an unfortunate “bug.” (To be honest, I don’t buy all of the “the-free-market-is-always-the-solution” stuff I’ve learned from these folks … in fact, I don’t buy most of it. But, given that this is primarily the crowd we are having to counterbalance when they shout about First Amendment rights, censorship, etc. I think it’s important to speak their language, so to speak, when describing what’s been happening over the past few weeks.)

Like I said, this has almost nothing to do with any of Facebook/Twitter/Apple/Google/etc and their decisions to muzzle specific voices. I think they are right to do that. The fact that we’ve put ourselves in a position where so much power over “speech” lies in so few hands is something we need to examine and probably dismantle to a certain extent. At the very least, these massive conglomerates should be broken up and better regulated … but this is for a different discussion.

(This has more to do with Facebook, Twitter, etc. business model [private data mining] and the general societal cost they’ve shown over the last few years.)

What I am actually getting at, here is that I am trying to be more deliberate about several things, my use of social media included. To be all Marie Kondo-y about it; Facebook and Instagram do not spark any kind of joy for me … quite the opposite, in fact. 

I have generally tried to use Facebook in a way that was positive, or at least a way that was not excessively negative. I have certainly not been free of resorting to what could be called judgmental snarky-ness, though, at times when I found everything exasperating and I had lost my patience with people (both individually and as a whole). But, the thing is, I have watched Facebook tear relationships to shreds. I have found myself feeling far more unkind things about people (both individually and as a group) than I am generally inclined to do.

Yes, of course Facebook was just a medium through which people were trying to communicate, but the semi-anonymous nature of the medium seems to bring out the absolute worst in many people (myself included at times). Ideas about individualism like to make everything individuals acting in a vacuum, but that’s not reality; we all live connected to one another and every action is related to those around us. When dealing with a worldwide social network, the “around us” part gets significantly bigger.

There are people I know much better in real life than I do on Facebook, people I generally like and with whom I generally “get along.” But, if I only knew them via Facebook, if the only thing I knew about them was the persona they put forward on Facebook, I would definitely not get along with them very well. (Of course, there may be people who would say this about me. I hate the thought, but it’s probably true.) Why do we do this? Why do so many of us act like total assholes when interacting in this strange online “community?” There is a quote in You’ve Got Mailwhere Joe Fox tells Kathleen Kelly that she shouldn’t take things so personally: “It’s not personal; it’s business.” he tells her. She later comes back back with a comment about how “if anything should start somewhere, it should start by being personal.” I think she is right. Everything should begin by being personal; everyone we talk to, everyone with whom we interact is first a person, a person living a life rich with complexities, confusions, triumphs, and tragedies quite a lot like our own. Somehow, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter strip that all away and make everyone and everything less than “personal.” I am definitely like Kathleen; stuff that was never meant to be “personal,” is to me. As a result, I think far too much about what every comment or every post might mean, most especially when it involves me or groups of which I am a member (be that “surfers,” “fathers,” “bald guys,” “Californians,” “people who drive Priuses,” “academics,” “former vegetarians” … whatever). 

I am not placing all of the blame on Facebook, Twitter, etc. But, I am also not willing to give them some sort of free pass. These companies could have made the communities better; there are lots of things that could have, should have been done to make their platforms into something much less toxic. But, a fact remains that outrage = more eyeballs on the “content” which = $$ for these companies, so it wasn’t in their financial interest to build platforms which minimized outrage. And, like a bunch of people pretending not to look on curiously at the wreckage of a multi-car pile-up, we all gladly played into the outrage game.

I am also not willing to give the blowhards who have gone out of their way to be overly political, offensive, or otherwise extra-awful human beings any sort fo pass either. There are lots of people—I am still shocked at just how many—who seem to find personal energy out of pissing people off. Of course, talk radio set the stage for this, but the online version is something even nastier in some ways.1 I know some people like this who seem, “in real life,” to be relatively-normal folks, but online, they turn into monsters. Again, why?

But, there are some times when I have found Facebook useful. I have gotten (well-paying!) gigs through Facebook. I have had very meaningful, heartfelt discussions through Facebook. I have learned new ways of seeing the world through interactions on Facebook.2 Thus, I don’t really want to leave completely. But, I also recognize that my mental state is generally better when I stay away from things that make me upset, which so many things I see on Facebook have a tendency to do.

So, I am going to keep my Facebook account open, and will probably post links to events, new posts on my website (which I definitely want to do more), and various things I want to try to promote about my classes and the college. But, I am going to be a lot more deliberate about all of it.

Here is where I say, please, if you want to stay in touch with me, do so. Send me a message via email or through my website, or a text message, or via Signal, or whatever. I would like that. But, don’t expect me to be super responsive on Facebook/Instagram anymore. 


***


  1. As an aside: I have made a habit of specifically not watching any videos someone shares with words like “shreds,” “demolishes,” or “obliterates” in the title/description. Ditto for almost anything from Jeanine Pirro, Ben Shapiro, or Bill Maher (and lots of others); those folks are purposefully insensitive and overly-simplistic and want little more than to wound people. ↩︎

  2. I don’t know if I have had any positive experiences with Twitter. I have had a few accounts over the years, but I never really felt like I was getting anything useful out of the platform … just a lot of out-of-context yelling and echoing. I am still trying to figure out why Instagram is so popular or what it is actual use-case is (which is a topic that needs its own post.) ↩︎

on Feeling Sad A Lot

Added on by Taylor Smith.

I am feeling the way this song sounds pretty hard right now:

The thing is, once I “stop,” stuff like this comes rushing to fore. I don’t like to think of myself as a ‘busy body,’ but it’s becoming pretty clear that I have built up ‘stuff to do’ as a coping mechanism for avoiding sometimes-crippling sadness. The things I use to keep myself ‘busy’ are mostly meaningless, banal things, things that I don’t actually even care about.

I am kind of obsessive about trying to keep things around me neat and tidy. As I was sweeping/mopping our floor last night, I was thinking about why I even cared about stuff like that … Why do I “need” the countertop to be clear? Why does seeing it a mess give me so much anxiety? … And, I think a lot of it comes down to wanting desperately to feel like I am in some sort of control of things. A messy countertop = more evidence that everything is out of control, and I am helpless. So, I take some comfort in having my desk clean; a clean desk = I am in control of some things and I can take solace in them.

I have sometimes described my experience as feeling claustrophobic inside my head. There are so, soso many things zooming through my brain at any given time, thoughts about literally everything. The best analogy I can can think of is something similar to how I often feel in a crowded concert or airplane; I am not “scared,” per se, but am definitely a little nervous and uncomfortable with so much going on and so little “order” to all of it. There is a line in Björk’s song, “Hunter” that hits this pretty much exactly: “I thought I could organize freedom. How Scandinavian of me.” 

I have studied a lot about Buddhism and Taoism. In both of these traditions, there is a lot of talk about not trying to control things; things just are as they are, and trying to control them really only makes you miserable. I get this, philosophically, but in practical terms, I can’t imagine actually just “letting go” of certain things. This, especially when I feel like my “natural state” is just sad. (And, yes, I know that Buddhism would say I have some of this stuff backwards …)

Something else that hurts a lot: What the hell do I have to be so sad about? Objectively, virtually everything has turned out for me, I have “accomplished” more than I ever really set out to do … yet, sometimes I am just really, really sad.

Anyway, some days are worth being a little extra vulnerable, and today is one of them, I guess.

on Rethinking Things … Again

Added on by Taylor Smith.

Yesterday, I posted a message both here and on Facebook. I knew it was a bit risky and controversial when I posted it. The fact is, just about anything can be risky or controversial in socialmediaville; this is just part of the nature of the landscape.

But, I’ve been thinking a lot about a lot of things over the past week. I think most people have been doing the same. (I hope they have been.) And, as I have been thinking about stuff I have read and seen, my head has gone in a lot of directions, one of those places was something like “Look at all of those hypocrites!” That wasn’t super helpful. I semi-regret what I said.

Actually, I don’t really regret what I said, but perhaps how I said it. I am alarmed at what the President has done, is doing. I am alarmed that certain “sides” of our society seem to simply not care. But, the framing I put around this alarm probably came across as more antagonistic than I intended. 

Most of my comments were really meant for a pretty small (but loud) group of people. In trying to make my point, I swept others into the pile, which wasn’t my intention. I am still bothered by this particular group’s seeming nonchalance around the American President’s authoritarian tendencies. I am still a bit shocked to watch all of the 180s amongst this group. But, it was sloppy of me to through such a wide net.

I will admit I have my own behavioral/intellectual paradoxes. It would probably be pretty easy for someone, were they interested, to poke all sorts of holes in my way of seeing and interacting with the world. I am 95% positive someone could find a “gotcha” Facebook post from the past. So, I suppose it was a little unfair of me to try to call folks out.

All of us are biased; it is impossible not to be. Despite what some people might think, I do try to see around my built-in biases, I do try to read and listen widely. Still, none of us really know all that much, so we are left to a combination of trusting those that know more and piecing things together. I appreciate whatever patience you can afford while I try to do what I can.

on Monday (June 1, 2020) in DC

Added on by Taylor Smith.

The short version: To my “conservative” and Republican friends: your silence over the past week is saying quite a lot.

The longer version: I have a fair number of friends with whom I disagree on political matters. Some of them, vehemently so. I have learned which ones are actually open to respectful discussion and which are just looking to “own the libs” or otherwise act like smug know-it-alls. I’ve done some pruning of my Facebook friends list, mostly using the “unfollow” and “snooze for 30 days” features to keep my timeline within reasonable bounds. I am not looking for an echo chamber, but I also don’t need vitriol and idiocy clogging up my headspace.

Over the past five days, I have been looking around for some of these folks to speak up. For me, the President has crossed hundreds of lines since January 2017; he crossed dozens (at least) before that. I get it that some people just aren’t bothered by these things. I don’t really understand how they aren’t, but … whatever.

Anyway, on Monday the President had the police forcibly remove almost entirely-peaceful protesters from Lafayette Park. There are multiple accounts—including video—of the fact that this was, indeed, a peaceful demonstration. Seemingly out of the blue, these protesters were met with tear gas and pepper balls, at the request of the US Attorney General.1

The President’s move on Monday should have every “conservative” very upset. The President shut down a peaceful assembly of people using the freedom guaranteed in the First Amendment. Conservatives know the Constitution well; for some, it is a sacred text. Yet, the President very obviously violated the first thing on the “things-the-government-can’t-do” list. This isn’t a difference of opinion. There is no other way to interpret what happened on Monday. There were peaceful protesters in DC; at the White House’s order, the DC police had them removed. 

The President followed this with an awkward photo-op. Did the President really shoot at demonstrators in order to clear the way for a really bad photo?

So, I am here to ask my conservative and Republican friends: I have been checking in on your Facebook pages over the past week. I have been hoping to see something about what happened. I was instantly very upset by what happened on Monday, but I decided to give you all some time to catch up on the news and process what has been going on. Unfortunately, I have seen exactly zero (ZERO!) conservative/Republicans I know say anything about this. Supposedly, the First Amendment is really important to y’all. When various state governments said we couldn’t go to church out of caution around coronavirus, many of you said this was anathema to the US Constitution; this was taking away both the freedom of religion and the right to assemble, you said. Now, the President himself has taken violent action against people in the streets, and none (NONE!) of you have anything to say.

C’mon, guys. You can do better than this. I promise I won’t pull out the “I told you so” stuff. Please, just show me you actually care about right and wrong and the US Constitution as much as you claim to. 

***

  1. The White House wants the press to rescind its claims that the police used “tear gas.” They don’t deny using a military-grade chemical irritant … just not “tear gas.” ↩︎

on My Trip to Europe, part 4

Added on by Taylor Smith.

Amsterdam

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Earlier, I mentioned that Amsterdam was my least favorite part of our trip. I already kind of regret saying that. But, here is a bit of a rundown. 

What I didn’t like about Amsterdam:

Streets: I found it really hard to navigate. The “plan” for the city felt kind of haphazard to me. Among other things, it took quite a while for me to decipher the difference between a sidewalk/walking area, a bike lane, and a street. I remember walking out of the main train station and thinking, “Whoa! What is going on out here?”

This is both a sidewalk and a trolley car route.

This is both a sidewalk and a trolley car route.

Bikes: I love bicycles and cycling more than most, but the city is completely overwhelmed with people trying to get around on bikes, many of them (like me) without much knowledge of how the city “works,” so it feels really chaotic. There are bikes everywhere. I love this in the abstract; I would love to see more bikes used as a method of transportation here in the US, but throw a few thousand extra tourists into the mix, all of whom also want to ride a bike around your famously-bike-friendly city and it gets a little less wonderful. I can’t actually put my finger on exactly why I disliked the bikes in Amsterdam, save the feeling that I was kind of lost a lot of the time, and people zooming by on bikes all the time didn’t really help.1 In the end, I guess this is really the same complaint at the first: everything just felt really chaotic.

My beautiful wife, riding a bike in Vondelpark.

My beautiful wife, riding a bike in Vondelpark.

Marijuana: Cannabis has been legal in California, for both medicinal and recreational purposes, for some time now. I am not bothered by this at all. I would actually like to see some other “illicit” products made legal under at least some circumstances. What bugged me about the pot in Amsterdam is how ubiquitous it seemed to be. Put bluntly, the entire city just reeks of pot. I know that easy access to all sorts of usually-illegal stuff is part of Amsterdam’s “brand,” but I found the pot levels to be kind of over the top. Mostly, I think what bugged me is knowing that it’s not actual native Netherlanders in those shops doing all of the toking; mostly, it’s stupid American 20-somethings “exploring their horizons.” It seemed kind too “on the nose” for me, I guess.

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The “Red Light District”: This is the same complaint as the one about pot. It’s not even really “a thing,” save that it’s there to put on a façade for tourists. I suppose San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury is kind of like this. Also, West Hollywood and the New Orleans’s French Quarter.




In hindsight, I would like to give The Netherlands another shot. I didn’t get to visit any other part of the country. My entire experience with the country was in its most (in)famous city and the tiny bit of the rest of the country I could see on the train ride from Brussels to Amsterdam. One Dutch woman I know saws that Amsterdam is her least favorite place to visit, and I think I can see why. Honestly, though, by the next morning, I was already feeling better about Amsterdam, so I wonder if I would have totally loved it after a week. At the very least, Rotterdam, The Hague, and Utrecht all deserve at least some attention.

The fact is, the longer we were in Amsterdam, the less it bothered me. Once we got ourselves some bikes and went for a ride through town and through the park, it was more fun. Once I wrapped my head around the street/bike path/trolley track/sidewalk situation, I felt better about all of it.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I am re-thinking my feelings about the Netherlands. It’s a nice country with this weird, quirky, almost comically clichéd town as its largest city. Imagine if Memphis was the only thing you saw from the US and you judged everything about the country based on that city … you’d definitely have a skewed view of what “America” is like.


My beautiful wife in front of Rijksmuseum.

My beautiful wife in front of Rijksmuseum.

In hopes of going back to Europe on a longer-term basis someday, I’ve been trying to learn to speak Dutch over the past nine months. I am really liking it. As I mentioned before, I am semi-seriously looking at moving to Belgium someday; half the country speaks Dutch.2 Obviously, learning to speak Dutch, no matter the reason, means I should go back to the Netherlands and give it all another try. I am already starting to make some plans … assuming the world goes back to something resembling normal someday.





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  1. Once I rented a bike myself, things got better, actually. Thus, I suppose my dissatisfaction with the bikes in Amsterdam was not the bikes themselves, but with trying to get around not on a bike (i.e. walking) with so many other people on bikes (many of them halfway lost.) ↩︎

  2. Technically, they speak a dialect called Flemish. It’s still “Dutch,” but has its own quirks … probably like the difference between the English they speak in Scotland vs. the Southern US. The other half speaks French. ↩︎


on My Trip to Europe, part 3

Added on by Taylor Smith.

Belgium

As a whole, I think Belgium was the place that surprised me the most. While I certainly never had anything against Belgium, it was never incredibly high on my places-I-want-to-see-someday list. I think it suffers from being right next to more popular countries like France, England, and Germany, and, as a result, gets left out of the someday-I’ll-visit-Europe plans for some people (myself included). It turns out, though, that Brussels was one of my favorite places we visited (and Belgium one of my favorite countries)!

Brussels

I think Brussels benefitted from being the first city we visited on purpose (not just “traveling through” or slightly lost). At the very least, we weren’t exhausted, yet, which probably made Brussels impact us more and some of the later places impact us less.

The Grand Place is incredible. It is also kind of hard to find. It was on the to-do list for the day, but we actually found it by accident. We came out of a hallway, looking for a restroom,1 and then we were just there.

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Mannekin Pis is really pretty dumb. Someone told me it would be underwhelming and they were right. Still, you kind of have to go see it.

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Food

Waffles in Belgium really are different than in the US. The “Belgian waffles” we get here in the states are quite different. In the states, a “Belgian waffle” is often a just a slightly crispy regular waffle (pressed with a bigger iron) topped with fruit. In Brussels, the waffles are closer to a pastry-like texture; some almost resemble raised donuts or croissants in their texture. Inside the waffles are small chunks of sugar that has caramelized under the heat. In general, people just eat them plain, wrapped in paper. They are delicious! I had a waffle at Jamba Juice that got pretty close, but I haven’t seen many others that really do it “right.” My wife actually bought some of special sugar crystals and brought them home. We tried our hand at making “real” Belgian waffles; they were pretty close, but not quite as good … my wife is a good cook, though.

What we all call “French fries” are really Belgian. They call them pommes frites [pum freet] (or just, frites). I am not a huge “fries guy,” but I did like the ones we had in Brussels. The Belgians cut the potatoes thicker than we do and the fries have a distinctively sweet flavor (maybe they use a sweeter oil for frying?). The fries are served in a paper cone with a tiny fork and a small cup of sauce. The place we went had a few choices of sauce, one of which was pretty awesome; it was called sauce samouraï. It’s kind os sweet and kind of spicy, and mostly pretty great.

Rural Belgium

This isn’t entirely unique to Belgium, but I found the way rural communities are set up to be really interesting. Essentially, even the small towns are quite densely populated. In the US, a rural community is often very spread out with “neighbors” living hundreds of yards apart. Often, a farmer will live on their farm, meaning their closest neighbor is far on the other side of many acres of crops. In Belgium (and other part of Europe), things were organized differently. There, people live right next to each other, even in small towns. The town of Meerbeek (population 2,188), where my wife knows some people, feels like a city; there are narrow streets, alleyways, and people living right next to, even on top of, one another. Belgian farmers don’t, it appears, live on their farms. When it is time for tending to the crops/livestock, the farmer rides or drives out to the fields to tend to things, then returns home (maybe miles away) when all is said and done. Among other things, this makes the smallness of the rural areas not seem so small. It also makes the community feel more like one. In many American small towns, especially in the West, people live pretty far apart, which makes this person-to-person connection harder to make. I wonder if rural life in the US would be different if we organized our communities this way.

Bicycles

There are a lot of bicycles in Belgium. In Leuven, one of the first cities we visited, kind of by accident actually, has huge portion of the city where bicycles are the only vehicles allowed on the streets.2 I like to think of myself as a bit of a “bike guy.” I used to ride quite a lot; I rode to/from work some three or four days a week for a few years. My family only had one car and having me ride to work was a way to both keep in shape and keep the costs of commuting down. I don’t ride nearly as often anymore, but I wish I did. It has gotten harder as my kids have gotten older and have to be lots of places.

Leuven

We ended up in Leuven because we hadn’t yet figured out how to read the train schedules as they were listed in our EuroPass app versus how they were listed on the placards at the train stations. We rode a high-speed train directly from the Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris to Brussels3. Then, we were supposed to meet a friend of my wife’s at a station called Erps-Kwerps (outside of Brussels). But, we ended up getting on a train that went by that station but didn’t stop there. Thanks to Facebook Messenger we were able to communicate with our host who told us to meet her at the station in Leuven.

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We climbed up out of the station into the center of town and it was beautiful. This was the first time we had spent much time outside of a train or station since we had boarded our flight back at LAX some fourteen hours in the past. The part of town where the train station lets out is (for certain times of the day) off limits to cars; it is a bicycles only area. There is this Kaiser Permanente commercial that is meant to show what the future could be like. In one, it shows the 101 freeway in downtown Los Angeles filled with bicyclists. The bikers are using the lanes and ramps just as cars do, although everyone is quite a bit happier and healthier since they are getting exercise and aren’t stuck inside the smoggy, grimy, gridlocked urbania we know today. This is basically what the bike-only area of Leuven felt like. There were traffic lights and the like, but instead of noisy, dirty cars, folks were getting around (and obeying the traffic lights, rules, etc.) on bikes. Since this was, essentially, our first experience “in the wild” in Europe, I think it caught me even more off guard than it otherwise would have.


Antwerp

Back in the mid–1970s, my wife’s mother lived in Antwerp for several months as a missionary. She has wanted to go back ever since. Antwerp was never on my “must-do” list. In fact, before this trip, I don’t think I knew where it was in relation to the rest of Belgium; I might have even thought it was in the Netherlands. But, it also turned out to be really great. I know I have already said this about other places, but Antwerp was one of my favorite places.

Our Euro-trip ended up overlapping with my wife’s parents’ trip. We met up with them in London, then went to Normandy, Paris, and Antwerp with them. Having my mother-in-law with us in Antwerp made our time there better, I think, than it might have been otherwise; she knew the places to go and see (and what not to go and see).

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Bruges

Bruges is pretty awesome. I will say, it struck as a bit more “touristy” than the other places we visited in Belgium. It makes sense, since it’s such a charming, beautiful place. But, I tend to enjoy the “real” stuff more. This is not to say that Bruges is artificial, I simply mean that because there a lot more tourists, the folks you see/interact with are less likely to be locals. There is something really cool about knowing the less-well-trod side of things. Bruges is gorgeous, but I preferred the less-polished places I think.

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Is Belgium the future?

Ever since we got back, my wife and I have been semi-seriously trying to figure out how to move to Europe. 4 Almost every time we have talked about this, I have pictured Belgium as the place we would go. Belgium has all of the right combinations of things that really make me see myself there. I ain’t messin’ around here; I already speak French pretty fluently and I have been teaching myself Dutch over the last year since speaking both languages makes living in Belgium even more likely. 

I know it is probably just wishful thinking and a bit of a “grass-is-always-greener” mindset, but I have needed something to distract me as of late. Making hypothetical plans about moving to Belgium has been my most recent addiction. My wife at least claims to be into the idea, so I am running with it while I have the energy.






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  1. Or, as they call them in Europe, the “water closet.” ↩︎

  2. Turnsout: Leuven was one of my favorite places. ↩︎

  3. They don’t call it “high-speed” just for marketing reasons! That thing was cruising along at 300 km/h! ↩︎

  4. There are a lot things motivating that desire, but I’d be lying if I said US politics wasn’t among them. I have always been skeptical of “American Exceptionalism,” and the last four years have taught me just how much I despise huge swaths of American thinking and culture. ↩︎




on Music Production and Style

Added on by Taylor Smith.

Here is another little “lecture” thing from my suddenly-online music tech class.

Production and Mixing “Schools”

What, exactly does a Producer do?

When I was young and dumb, I had a bad attitude about most popular music.1 Now, I appreciate some of that stuff I hated because I understand musical/record production better. Record production really is an art form of its own, sometimes completely disconnected from the music itself.

When I was young and dumb, I didn’t pay a lot of attention to the names listed in the liner notes of my favorite albums. I certainly saw those names, but I didn’t really know what their contributions meant. In fact, I distinctly remember seeing that Elvis Costello produced The Specials’ first album (The Specials), but I had no idea what this meant. I only remember this because I knew that Elvis Costello was kind of a big deal, so seeing his name as the producer of this quirky album caught my eye.

I do remember seeing one name several times. His name kept showing up in the “Produced by” slot on some of my favorite albums. This Brian Eno guy kept showing up on my favorite Devo, Talking Heads, David Bowie, and U2 albums. Still, I didn’t think that much about it until several years later when I saw one of his albums in a record store. I saw this album, Music for Airports by Brian Eno. “Huh. I didn’t know that guy made his own music.” methought to meself. I bought it and was pretty much obsessed with the album for a few years. Nowadays, I kind of halfway worship Brian Eno. 

Brian Eno has a very recognizable production style. His productions tend to sound either extra-reverberant, almost drowning in echoes (think The Unforgettable Fire by U2), or really tight, almost jarringly choppy (think Remain in Light by Talking Heads).

Mixing/Production “Style”

All of this is my long way of saying that different people approach the task of musical “production” very differently, some of them in very individualized ways. And, in many cases, knowing exactly what a particular producer may have contributed to a project can be hard to figure out. I have found, though, the more I immerse myself inside a given producer’s work, I am able to trace threads of similarity across their projects; this is likely the producer I am hearing (rather than the songwriter, singer, etc.).

Mixing/Producing “Schools”

All of that being said, some folks like to divide “post-production” into a couple of loose “schools of thought.”2 Again, using Bobby Owsinski’s definitions as a starting point, we can divide production/mixing styles into roughly four categories. Not-at-all coincidentally, these “production schools” are named after the four capitols of mainstream popular music:

  • Los Angeles

  • New York

  • London

  • Nashville

First, these “schools” aren’t really schools at all, but are more like approaches to music production/mixing. The reason they are named after these places stems from the folks who were working in these towns in the earlier days of music production and the way they worked. These folks then taught others around them, thus kind of perpetuating a specific approach in the region. In some ways, the connections to these places are gone, now, but the ideas around the “school” give us a good place to start a discussion.

Los Angeles

Of these four schools, the Los Angeles school is perhaps the most straightforward. In order to get an idea of what this style is like, try to imagine what music coming out of L.A. in the late–60s through mid–70s sounded like. Think of bands like CSN(Y), Eagles, The Doobie Brothers, Steely Dan, and (mid–70s) Fleetwood Mac.

While these bands are pretty diverse, stylistically, they all share a similar “sound world.”3 Essentially, while CSNY is a country-ish rock band and Steely Dan is a rock-ish jazz band, both groups sound very clean. When I listen to CSNY, I don’t hear very many effects or other shenanigans; I hear crystal clear guitars and immaculately un-touched (or, un-touched sounding) voices along with kind of wimpy-sounding drums and bass. The CSNY song “Carry On” (from Déjà Vu, 1970) is a perfect example of this. Ditto for “Listen to the Music” by The Doobie Brothers (from Toulouse Street, 1972).


New York

I like the way Bobby Owsinski describes the New York style. He says it is “very punchy and aggressive, just like New Yorkers.” The New York style of mixing and production tends to use a lot of compression, resulting in a heavy, “in your face” feeling (again, kind of like New Yorkers). The New York producers almost all follow a template something like this:

  • send the drums (sometimes: bass) through a bus as a group

  • compress the grouped drums

  • feed the compressed drums back into the mix

  • sometimes: compress the “remixed” drums, bass again on the returning channel

This New York compression trick can then be accentuated by boosting (sometimes by a lot) both the low and high frequencies on the compressed drums/bass.

The best example of this is on the Living Colour song “Cult Of Personality” (from Vivid, 1988). The drums are enormous, punching you in the face every few seconds. Another example is “A Girl Like You” by The Smithereens (from 11, 1989).


London

London’s stereotypical sound is one with lots of effects. The New York school relies a lot on compression, while London uses all of the effects. London School productions typically have lots of layers, most of them with a little extra reverb or echo to make everything “swim” a little bit. Arrangement and orchestration are always “part of the mix,” but with the London School, this is extra relevant. In a way, the L.A. studios focused on getting the band that showed up to sound as “real” as possible; New York, takes the band that showed up and makes it sound “big;” London takes the band that showed up and says, “What colors can we add to this?”

The “textbook” example of a London School production is “Owner Of A Lonely Heart” by Yes (from 90125, 1983). Another good one is The Police’s “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” (from Ghost In The Machine, 1981).



Nashville

The Nashville style is a bit trickier to pin down. In many ways, it is very similar to the L.A. style, with most of the instruments sounding very “open” and “natural.” Typically, Nashville recordings feature a lot of acoustic instruments, so throwing tons of effects or compression at them doesn’t make a ton of sense. The one thing that makes Nashville sound a little different from Los Angeles is how over-the-top the vocals tend to be. There are some Nashville records where the voice is very, very present, with the accompanying instruments falling pretty far “backward.” 

A good example of this is Emmylou Harris’s song “Boulder to Birmingham” (from Pieces of the Sky, 1975). Notice how loud Emmylou’s voice is compared to the band “behind” her.

So … ?

All of this is just a way to encourage you to think about the music you like and what its priorities are from a production and/or mixing standpoint.

Some ideas:

  • Think of your favorite albums. Do they have anything in common from a production standpoint? What are the music’s priorities and how does “the mix” support and/or diminish these?

  • Do you have a favorite producer? How would you describe their style?

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  1. Ok. I still do have a pretty bad attitude about most popular music, but for demonstration purposes, let’s pretend I don’t. ↩︎

  2. ”Post-production” is a phrase that is often used to describe the stuff that happens after the music has been recorded. I think it used to imply it was postthe creative stage … but, that is very far from the truth anymore. ↩︎

  3. I both hate and love this phrase. It doesn’t really mean anything, yet it is also super helpful. Basically, what I mean is these bands all sound kind of similar from a purely timbral standpoint. ↩︎